Letter to him

7 July 2025

Messages from NS Confession

“no dating scene here, so folks will just hook up with each other at a point”

“Here’s my problem with joining NS long-term. Moving here means zero chances of finding a life partner.”

寻找伴侣无论在哪都是一个作为人类本能的需要，只是每个人阶段不同，渴望程度不同，有稳定伴侣的人会直言不讳地说，“你没发现来这里的很多人是为了脱单吗？”， 集体训练、参加舞会和party都可能是被看作想要脱单的行为。

我相信在社区有很多人确实在做事情，国内的社区很多人在迷茫也在探索，做自媒体、内容的偏多，也有像去年在Q*space的Hermes埋头创业融到钱的。

Networkschool也一样，有些人活跃在各个活动，来体验这里的生活、发社交媒体，待一个月就走。NS V2从三月份开始以来已经第五个月，而我在这里是第四个月，七月是一个很好观察的月份，不管是对比观察长居者（long livers) 还是新成员(newcomers)，长居者比如我，这个月真的是很想走，因为真的好多朋友都走了，每个月的新人社交让人陷入社交疲倦（social fatigue)，难以再对新成员有刚开始的热情；而新成员仍然重复着我们讨论过的话题，新鲜着各种活动。

六月份的时候，几乎所有攀岩的人（climbers) 都走了，Lucky和Andy离开的时候，他们说，“你们走了，还会有攀岩吗？” Andy转头问我，“Yoko还在，她每周日都去，Yoko可以组织。“我摇头，我觉得我不行。但有人问起Climbing时，我想也许可以组织一个，而且我也想去攀岩了。Lucien一天说，连Yoko(那么内向的人）都组织攀岩活动了，我也应该带大家出去玩一下。听到时候觉得很可爱，有时你就是拒绝不了新成员（newcomers)的期待，像beach volleyball没有发生的时候，大家都有些失望，让我不得让他们相信，我会让它发生（I’ll try to make it happen.”）！在社区，能量是被传递的，我第一次跑Zone 2的时候，辛苦得大喘气觉得跑不下去的时候，Otavis一直在旁边喊着“Come on! “ “We’re almost there!””Kill them!”，所以当Khushi在我旁边的跑步机（treadmill)快要停下的时候，我也做了同样的鼓励。

7月沉静如水，“Code hums in still air.“ typed in Ns confession. 有人在ns confession里说道：代码在寂静的空气中低鸣。NS core team这个月也没什么新动作。为ns core team工作的人Jesse和Elias的离开，让留下的人些许沮丧。我因为护照原因，得多待两个星期，倒是很好的安静思考的机会，待在房间或者图书馆，因为11点没有了日常session workout，我调整运动时间到了下午，也是三个月首次跳过了classic workout。

三月份以来，我尝试做交易学习交易了解经济市场，也参加各种活动学习，和人聊天了解学习其他项目和他人的生活，进行每天的运动，去攀岩、打排球和练拳，还学习了匹克球（pickleball )，也学会了国际象棋，和人或远或近地了解文化差异和表达，还在尝试做自己的项目，尝试了七分钟的冷浴（Cold plunge)，但更喜欢桑拿，睡前去桑拿房一边冥想一边桑拿，可以睡个好觉。

上周六的vibe coding（用AI工具做网站）玩得很开心，有人做了一个匿名的内部论坛，叫NS confession，我觉得是NS 最有意思的项目了，因为它的页面几乎跟slido 一模一样，仅添加一个匿名，却因为直中“要害”（言论自由）很受欢迎。这也是我很想做的项目，极为简单但极为有用，而且是大家需要的产品。

这里有已经成功的创业者，也有很多还在探索的人，他们的愿望并非都大富大贵，有个想法（idea)，自己愿意持续做（build) 的项目可以让自己过自由生活（pay our bills) 。这也是为什么即使在这个荒芜的人工岛、没有“附近‘的生活，还是有人决定长居此地。

我想如果我下次回来的话，大概也会签长期（sign up longtermers contract)，因为我没有长期在英语国家生活过，这里就像再过一次海外留学的大学生活，可能长期在SF（旧金山/硅谷）生活的人会觉得搞AI应该去SF，搞区块链应该去柏林，但对我来说，我没有那么强的技术性，最差我也能学英语，没有比这更多元（熟悉各种口音）、更科技（tech)的语言环境了。

你的消息依然像一面镜子，衬映着我的生活和思考，即使它来自遥远和过去。

说实话，我已经习惯没有你的生活，即使是听到你的声音，也会觉得像有人入侵了我的生活，我需要重新适应消息的进入。

21 July 2025

My writing usually starts when I’m talking to myself while strolling along the beach. But somehow, the moment I sit down in front of the laptop, ready to type, everything freezes. The words stop flowing.

A communication barrier never ends with language, it appear when ppl begin talking. How can ppl communicate when we have different definitions of the world and the words. How can we communicate hygiene when we have different definitions of “cleanness”. Then someone said, “Communication is merely an illusion.“

When I was in Beijing or other cities, I did not shoot many human portraits. Human figures in urban spaces often felt like noise in my compositions—unless they carried a story worth telling. But looking back at all the pics I’ve taken on this island, I can hardly find any impressive one—except those of the ns ppl. How can you expect ppl who come from a mainstream culture where “cost-efficiency first“ is the core value to build anything with aesthetic value. As I said, I can not find out any asthetics from this hotel, the interior decoration and the architecture, the other buildings in this island as well. I think I know these most of business men. There’s no doubt that the lively ns ppl are the most beautiful beings here, when they are focus, when they are playing, when they are laughing…

Every day I ask myself tons of questions：Should I try to make money? Should I initiate a start-up? What kind of start-up should I initiate? Should I start a business at NS? How should I make a living. …… At this point, you’ve probably made a good decision. You are so clear about wanting make money and the kind of life you wanna live. And I’m still stuck on this stupid question: “Should I make money?” At some point, maybe I’ve just been brainwashed by this startup-alignment culture we’re stuck in—NS feels like such a one-track society.

I keep looking around, and at the end of the day, I still think I’m more suited to being a trader. I don’t like managing people and being managed. So maybe I should just keep learning to trade. But even that feels more like a delay tactic than a true answer. Because if it were the real answer, I would’ve stopped asking by now—back in March. Wouldn’t I?

All this wandering hasn’t been without gain—sometimes I feel like I’m getting closer to what I truly want: community governance and protocol. I’ve been thinking a lot about related ideas lately. I need more reading and research.

I always believe what 《Lust for Life》by Irving Stone says: “All your life you might doubt yourself, but eventually you'll bring forth all that's in your heart—and that, in itself, is proof of what you've become.” . I believe fate brought me here, but also that it was my own will that led me. Every time in my life, when I’ve truly wanted something, I’ve gone after it.

And so have you.

When people ask me what the most exciting part of my day is... I would say it’s that moment when I sit on the couch on the balcony—whether I’m reading or writing before sunset, and I can truly enjoy that peace. That’s the most exciting part of my day.

Then how’s you doing? He must like a happy puppy embracing the nature and surfing in the ocean wave. Did he go clubbing and hook up with some girls? When he left, I cried silly and pure in my room for about one hour. I feel like I haven’t had any intimate fren since he left.