Gabor Maté - Authenticity vs. Attachment 视频转换文字-双语

When a child is born, the child is needs.

当一个孩子出生时，这个孩子就有各种需求。

The first need is for attachment. An attachment is contact, connection, love.

首先需要的是联系。所谓“联系”就是指接触、连接以及爱意。

Without that, the human child does not survive. Any mammalian child or even an avian child doesn't survive.

如果没有这种保护机制，人类婴儿将无法存活。任何哺乳动物的幼崽，甚至鸟类的幼崽都无法存活。

So that as soon as you get past the level of reptiles, the reptile is hatched.

这样一来，一旦你超越了爬行动物这一阶段，那么爬行动物就会破壳而出。

The mother's long gone by then and the reptile incident either lives or dies.

那时母亲已经离开了人世，而那起关于爬行动物的事件要么继续存在下去，要么彻底消失。

but there's no attachment to a parenting figure.

但这里并没有对父母角色的依赖感。

As soon as you get to the level of birds, now the baby bird has to be have an attachment with the parents,

一旦到了鸟类这个阶段，幼鸟就必须与父母建立亲密的联系。

The parents have to be attached to the baby.

父母必须与孩子保持亲密的联系。

Otherwise, the infant simply does not survive.

否则，婴儿就无法存活下来。

Mammalians even more so, and most so the human, because we're the least developed.

哺乳动物更是如此，而人类更是如此（因为人类是最未完全发育成熟的物种）。

the least mature, with the least developed brains, and the most dependent for the longest period of time of any creature in the universe.

是最不成熟的一类，大脑发育最不完善，而且在宇宙中所有生物中，其依赖性最强、持续时间最长的一类。

So our attachment needs are enormous and they remain important throughout lifetime because we have to have attachments to form societies,

所以我们的依恋需求是巨大的，并且这种需求在人的一生中始终都很重要，因为我们需要建立依恋关系才能形成社会。

social groups, without which we don't survive.

社会群体的存在对我们而言至关重要，没有它们我们就无法生存。

So attachment is a huge need. We have to connect.

所以依恋是一种强烈的需求。我们必须建立联系。

Belong.

归属。

Be loved by and love.

被人爱以及去爱他人。

That's just a basic human need.

那只是人类的基本需求。

But we have another need as well which is for authenticity.

但我们也还有另一个需求，那就是需要真实性。

Authenticity is the capacity, as I said earlier to.

真实性就是我之前所说的那种能力。

Know what we feel to be in touch with our bodies and to be able to express who we are and manifest who we are in our activities and in our relationships.

明白我们是如何与自己的身体建立联系的，如何能够展现真实的自我，并在我们的活动和人际关系中体现自我。

Now why is that?

那么，为什么会这样呢？

Think of a human being in evolutionary period who's not in touch with their body and their gut feelings.

想象一下处于进化阶段的人类，他们与自己的身体以及内心的感受毫无联系。

How long do they survive out there in the wild?

它们在野外能存活多久呢？

So authenticity is another huge survival need.

所以真实性是另一个至关重要的生存需求。

Great.

太好了。

So far so good.

到目前为止一切都还好。

But what happens to a child?

但孩子会怎么样呢？

Where the attachment need is not compatible with the need for authenticity.

当附加需求与真实性需求不相匹配时。

In other words, if I'm authentic, my parents will reject me.

换句话说，如果我保持本真，我的父母就会拒绝我。

If I feel what I feel.

如果我有那样的感受。

And express what I feel.

并且表达出我的感受。

And insist on my own truth.

并且坚持自己的真理。

My parents can't handle it.

我的父母无法承受这个情况。

And parents convey those messages unconsciously.

而家长们在不知不觉中就传递了这些信息。

All the time.

一直如此。

Not because they mean to.

并非因为他们有意如此。

Not because they don't love the child.

并不是因为他们不爱这个孩子。

Not because they're not trying to do their best, but because they themselves are suppressed or traumatized or hurt or stressed.

并不是因为他们没有尽力而为，而是因为他们自身受到了压抑、遭受了创伤、受到了伤害或者处于压力之中。

So I convey that message many times to my children.

所以我多次向我的孩子们传达了这个信息。

Believe me, without any conscious desire to do so.

相信我，即便你完全没有刻意想要这样做。

In fact, it was the very opposite of what I wish to convey.

事实上，这与我想要表达的意思恰恰相反。

But that they're not acceptable the way they are, with their emotions, the way they are.

但它们目前的这种状态是不可接受的，因为它们还带着那些情绪，以它们现有的样子存在。

That's the message my kids go out.

这就是我孩子们外出时所传达的信息。

When they were small and most children get that in our society.

当他们还很小的时候，在我们这个社会中大多数孩子都会明白这一点。

Now what does the child do with that?

那么孩子会如何处理这些呢？

If I give up my attachment for the sake of authenticity, I lose my relationships on which my life depends.

如果为了保持真实而放弃自己的执着，那我就会失去那些支撑我生活的关系。

Therefore, there's no question what becomes suppressed is our authenticity, our emotions.

因此，毫无疑问的是，被压抑的正是我们的本真自我以及我们的情感。

And then we become 25 and 30 or 3540 and we don't know who we are.

然后我们到了 25 岁、30 岁或者 35 岁、40 岁的时候，却仍然不知道自己是谁。

And somebody asks us, what do you feel?

有人问我们：你们感觉如何？

You say I have no idea.

你说我一无所知。

And how many times we've all had the experience of having an inkling of a strong gut feeling, but we ignoring it?

我们当中又有多少人曾有过这样的经历：突然产生了一种强烈的直觉，但却选择不去理会呢？

We're ignoring it and we get into trouble.

我们置之不理，结果就陷入了困境。

That tells us what happened.

这告诉我们发生了什么。

What happened was that at some point we found out it was too costly for our attachment relationships to be in touch with our gut feelings.

事情是这样的：在某个时候，我们发现，要保持与内心感受的沟通，我们的依恋关系需要付出太高的代价了。

So then it becomes a first, not our first nature, but our second nature, to suppress our feelings, to lose touch with ourselves and to suppress our gut feelings.

于是，抑制自己的情感、与自我脱节以及压抑内心的真实感受便成了我们的第二本能，而非我们的第一本能。

And then we pay the cost later on in the form of addictions, mental illness or any range of physical illnesses.

然后，我们会在之后付出代价，那就是患上各种各样的成瘾症、精神疾病或者各种身体疾病。

But it all began with this tragic conflict.

但这一切都始于这场悲惨的冲突。

That children should never be confronted with, but are all the time between authenticity on the one hand and attachment on the other.

孩子们永远不应被置于这两种截然不同的观念之间，而应始终处于真实性与依恋性这两种观念的中间地带。

And even as adults.

甚至在成年之后也是如此。

So many people are suffering because.

所以有那么多人正在遭受痛苦。

They want to be themselves, but they're afraid to be because they know.

他们想要做真实的自己，但又不敢这么做，因为他们心里清楚这样做会带来怎样的后果。

Or at least they fear that if they themselves, they're going to lose important attachment relationships in their life.

或者至少他们担心，如果自己这样做的话，将会失去生活中重要的亲密关系。