Testimony | Feng (Yetta) Ouyang

Testimony | Feng (Yetta) Ouyang
Sunday, July 13, 2026

Lord, today, I am willing to be baptized before others and to entrust my future entirely to You. May You cleanse me of the sins of my past life so that I may live anew—like Christ, like Your child—living, loving, and acting righteously.

Looking back on more than thirty years of life, my heart is full of gratitude and thanksgiving.

You created my unique life and allowed me to be born in a quiet and remote village in China. You blessed me with diligent, loving parents who valued education and a warm family. Though they lacked wealth and formal education, their selfless love nurtured and lifted me, enabling me to witness the hardships and suffering of life while also experiencing the presence of Your grace.

On my journey of learning, working, pursuing educational equity, and exploring my calling, You continually prepared mentors and companions. You led me to devote seven years in an NGO to rural children’s education and development. In the most difficult time of my life—letting go of my career and when my uncle died—You entrusted me with the responsibility of nurturing new life. During my pregnancy, under Your protection, I overcame the challenges of applying to UCL’s MA in Education, Gender, and International Development. You made it possible, with the support of family and loved ones, for me to continue my studies overseas. By Your grace, our family was able to reunite and journey together.

In the confusion of pursuing justice and fairness, in the responsibilities of studying abroad and raising a family, in the loneliness and struggles of chasing ideals and exploring the future, in my relationship with my partner and myself—it is You who have drawn me step by step closer to You. You have always been by my side, protecting, inspiring, and blessing me. And I have become more and more aware of Your work in this world. You have sent countless mentors and friends to support me, and through setbacks, conflicts, and challenges, You revealed to me my own pride, weakness, and sin—helping me see the continual need for renewal and growth in my heart.

My journey of faith has not been smooth. From a vague reverence for God in childhood to atheism in my youth; from the unknowing touches of Your presence in my NGO work to the spiritual questions that brought me into churches while studying in Taiwan and the U.S.; to the transformation that occurred in 2020-2022 when I read the Bible especially during pregnancy—You helped me understand: it is not by human strength, but by God; not by worldly standards, but by Your truth, justice, and love.

In the past two years since arriving in London, I once hesitated to admit I was a Christian and refused to be baptized—especially when I struggled with the traditional interpretations of gender roles in the Bible and the church. I entered the church space with dissatisfaction toward patriarchy and hegemony, sensing cultural, linguistic, and religious barriers, and questioning whether the phrase “God the Father” excluded the role of women. As a feminist woman and a new mother, I struggled to find resonance in the image of a father and son.

I also experienced unjust treatment by others through childhood and held much anger and rebellion toward societal injustice and gender inequality. I often entered the church with a critical and disapproving heart. Why can’t Christians accept other religions or people of different sexual orientations? Why do Christians continue to emphasize male authority and Western culture?

I resisted and fought against traditional views on marriage, treated my partner as an enemy, expressed dissatisfaction through harsh words, and lacked gentleness and grace. These thoughts made me anxious and irritable. I withdrew from others and felt exhausted by the constant inner battle.

But you did not forsake me. Instead, You comforted and enlightened me with Your boundless love.

You reminded me that I was still looking through the lens of the world and humanity, rather than truly understanding Your will. In moments of crisis and difficulty, You provided unimaginable support and preparation. Through the church and the people around me, you continuously supported our entire family. You showed me the beautiful diversity of people You have created.

I still feel sorrow, doubt, and anger easily—but Lord, I ask You to grant me wisdom: to discern the way forward in chaos, to do what I can within my limits, and to do what pleases You. I hope you will give me the courage and wisdom to do what I can and ought to do and not let me walk this world alone.

You never distanced Yourself from me because I took so long to fully enter Your embrace. From the moment I was born, you have surrounded me with love and grace. You have given me confidence, wisdom, and courage—a passionate pursuit of justice and love. But I also know I am a sinner:

I am proud and self-righteous, trying to prove my strength and hide my vulnerability and fear.

I have sinned with my tongue, hurting those around me—especially my partner—when I am angry.

I harbor resentment toward men, which is projected onto my brother, father, partner, and other men.

I also have internalized misogyny, lacking recognition for women affected by motherhood.

I envy men’s freedom, rights, and social status. I have high expectations for myself and those close to me. Sometimes, I am anxious and lose trust in You.

I rely on societal evaluations rather than your truth and perspective. I fail to make Your word my standard and instead use worldly or personal judgments.

I sometimes compare myself with others, am vain about academic knowledge, am anxious about financial security, and feel lost without a job or a clear future.

In a foreign land, I have lost the courage to act. I forget that You are my true security.

I despise secular views of marriage and struggle with the tension between a marriage certificate and my faith. My sin lies in not taking a Christ-centered family as the foundation of my relationship. I become angry, speak harshly, and resist submission. I fail to love myself and those closest to me.

I still care too much about others’ opinions, am easily influenced by relationships, and lack gentle yet resolute courage. Life often feels lonely and meaningless.

But Lord, I am willing to follow You.

You said, “The least in the kingdom of heaven will be the greatest.”
You honor women and do not exclude us.
You love wisdom and encourage us to turn away from temptation and trust in You.
You impart knowledge to truly help others.
You gave Your life to atone for humanity’s sins and opened the path to eternal life.

Lord, You have already prepared the road for us.
I am willing to walk this path with You.
I am willing to take Your teachings and wisdom as the core of my future research, parenting, marriage, and life practice. I will no longer pursue justice by my own strength, but rely on You. I am willing to be corrected through the guidance and companionship of Christ’s body and live through You.

May my life no longer be shaken by the opinions of others but become a steady light, bringing hope to the world and to others.

Lord, thank You for never abandoning me. May my baptism mark a new beginning of walking with You.

In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.