the night before morning

i‘ve tried so hard

and came so far

i made a home outside of home

i loved and lived

l left something for people to remember me

but now i just wanna fall 

deep and hard

to let go everything so i can touch the ground

10 years ago at the airport

i let go of your hand, the only hand you had for years

until my strength was gone

your last message was the most desperate cry for help i’ve ever heard

10 years later, here i am

finally I'm standing in the same darkness as you did

alone, exhausted

hovering at the edge of giving up

im so sorry 

again and again

in my heart i tell you this

i wish you understood 

i wasn't unkind

I was just weaker than you believed me to be

and i’ve been fighting that weakness

harder than you know

i never stopped thinking about you

i wish i could tell you how much i miss you

but I'm also broken, cant bear the heaviness of life, yours or mine.

i always wonder how you are now

in one of the dreams i had of you

you’ve grown into a big strong man, a real adult

you were no longer the sad lonely boy 

you were the opposite of me, you were stronger than you thought

you survived the night i couldn't stay in

tell me

if i make it through the night i once abandoned

will i see you again in the morning?