Some Pretty Fucked up Dreams — Part 2

2025/8/3

Dreamed of a black snake wrapped around me.

It attacked everyone, but was dependent on me. It had a human-like, or even softer, tongue.

I was walking in a courtyard with other people, and it was licking me. I went from being afraid to enjoying it. It licked my wrist affectionately, full of teasing. Then turned to my left breast, almost trying to reach inside my sleeve and lick the nipple directly.

Later it transformed into a very pale young man. He said very little, just stayed in my arms.

In the dream I really wanted to go somewhere alone with him, just the two of us. But there was no chance.

At the same time I seemed to have to do my senior year in high school again and was doing to take some important exam. I was late going to the prep class.

It was in Germany, I had booked some kind of Chinese cooking class, and the food delivery arrived late.

At the same time I was doing some “homework”, which was actually my real life work stuff. I was trying so hard and so rushing for the sake of going to class, but I was still late.

A weird pile of dreams. Desire, fear.

2026/4/6

The sky was just starting to get light and I fell back asleep.

A person whose face was unclear, he is tall and powerful.

He was holding me up, we were standing, i can see his moves from the front.

2026/8/10

Dreamed about going to New York for a business trip, grey rainy day. Arrived in the morning, afternoon I had to go to Central Park station to transfer.

Met that person, went together to a small hotel near a bus station. The environment inside was unexpectedly nice.

We just held hands, nothing happened. He seemed not to be that person anymore, his body was tall and large. The only thing recognizable was that same indecisiveness that never changed. The inexplicable tenderness, sadness and gentleness were still there, but he couldn’t give that much.

In the dream I was not sad either, just the familiar faint emptiness, faint inferiority.

2026/8/16

Last night’s dream was interesting.

Dreamed about finding a colleague in the Shanghai office. A chubby guy, also a "partner", Shanghainese, a genuinely good person. An excellent person.

I had felt no particular attraction to him, but because I had been alone for too long, I felt dependent on him. In the dream I was always hugging his chubby body, that person was very big.

I seemed to know that I was looking for someone to marry rather than fall in love with.

He took me to a fancy hotel restaurant, but we sat on a glass-deck-like platform, with dozens of floors underneath. I was constantly nervous and scared. Eventually we moved inside to sit.

Then I seemed to have resigned. He still had calls to make, I just supported him, but somehow I had nothing to do myself.

2026/8/24

Hadn’t gone to bed early for a long time.

In the dream I was still entangled with that person, still enduring his tenderness, his eyes, the atmosphere of him being there.

Still silently suffering, guessing, searching, whether he had a child. In the dream he seemed to have one already, four or five years old.

After all this time, that damage to self-esteem can last this long.

2026/9/22

Two dreams in the morning right before I was waking up.

1.

Somehow back to college and got a chance to go to Harvard for one year, maybe as an exchange. Looking for my hall.

But then some old dorm was being torn down, and I used to live here for years, so I’m going into a tunnel-ish place to gather my things back.

It was a corner in a mountain-like place, on the wall. I dug a hole and had my little wooden house. I seemed to recognize one hole where I used to “date” someone I cared about, but I moved on to the next hole and started to pick my stuff, like random things — shampoo, bags, clothes, dolls, some old books, with some English poetry and some small short stories in Chinese written by South American writers.

After all done, I packed three bags and carried them to continue moving. After a turn I saw someone else’s hole and there were multiple Disney dolls.

I talked to the guy and he said my hall is over “there”. I went there through a glass door but the stairs were not stairs — it was a cliff!

I almost just fell down, but took a look before taking the step. Holy, it was so tall and so horrifying.

Luckily I stepped back, and the guy was so easy about it.

Later several girls came and we just normally talked, they asked where I’m from, which college, who I know and who.

2.

In a random dream but I’m working, actually having a CTM, arguing with someone. They were discussing random things and everyone was saying something but there was no overarching framework, and several different framework-alike pages.

I got so annoyed.

And I stood up and started to ask questions so I can understand what is what and build the framework in my head.

Lastly I realize the project has two big sub-modules and I wanted to create two frameworks that look the same, but no one, especially the one who was leading the meeting, seemed to understand the value of why I was doing this.

Meanwhile several people, maybe juniors, were trying to cut in while I talk, so I got impatient and rude and kept saying “let me finish”.

And in the end I needed to get quite emotional and loud, almost shouting, that I’m doing this for two purposes. I was asking “ok, can I then do this? For two purposes, one, to align with client what are the sub-topics we are going to analyze, and two, to prioritize which parts we will actually do and filter some out because we don’t have enough time?”

The meeting leader still is condescending and just unwillingly accepted but still needed to say it from a superior level: “ok I can accept you doing this for this filtering purpose”…

2026/9/27

Some kind of war? Or world was invaded by aliens?

Anyways, my mom is not my mom. She seems to be a rather senior boss of the aliens? Or terrorist.

Whole dream of hiding, running. Also someone nurtured a lot of snakes, flowing around the campus? Some kind of small campus.

A scene of me hiding behind the curtain. Lying on the ground, legs stuck out. My mom? Saw me and immediately came on top of my back to control me with this very evil laughter, saying “you thought I can’t see you?”

I gave up and started to call her mom, and cry and say it’s ok to die in her hands.

Then meanwhile in that dream I seem to start dreaming or hallucinating — the mom? Was even raping me with her finger, it almost felt good.

Everything is so wrong.

This very moment, the alarm was on, thank god.

2026/9/30

Somehow dreamed about me being not happy at work and boss is Alex like from my first job, so weird. She was doing an interview to everyone asking if they felt any growth.

My turn, I asked back “starting when?” She said this month, I burst into laughter “of course not, even for one year I felt no growth”. She then said “you should consider leaving this job”, I said “yeah that’s why I’m considering”. She was a bit surprised but stayed calm “oh, ok.”

Then I told her about the Ueda thing. I actually don’t know why I cared so much about this person and even talked about him in my dream.

Anyways, a bunch of clients came and she left with them.

2026/10/1

Somehow was living with two guys, they are brothers or something. There’s some background story that wasn’t clear, but the atmosphere suggests some tension between them.

Somehow the slightly elder brother acts like he owes the younger one something big.

I liked the elder one.

While the younger one was having a shower, we started to have sex. In the dream, it was so wet and comfortable, something I was longing for for quite a long time.

But it lasted so briefly — younger one finished showering and came back to the room, we quickly separated but it was too obvious.

Elder brother said to me “ok you go to shower now”.

I escaped to the room, closed the door and started to cry.

I felt like a refugee.

Maybe I was what was owed.